The Stockholm Bloodbath is considered something of a turning point in Scandinavian history. Over the course of three days, in November 1520, more than one hundred executions took place. After battling to become king of Sweden and Denmark, Kristian II took the throne, with the Archbishop Gustav Trolle at his side. The Archbishop, in an act of sly and murderous revenge, accused several Swedish nobles of heresy (a serious crime punishable by death). Thereafter came the bloodbath. 

But that’s enough of the facts. Because, whilst Mikael Håfström’s film does adhere loosely to the events of 1520, it feels more like “if Guy Ritchie got a hold of Scandinavian history” and decided to tell it his way. “A great deal of this actually happened”, lurid yellow subtitles declare within the opening minutes of the film. Håfström’s Stockholm Bloodbath is brash, violent, comedic and strange. Exactly what you want from a history lesson. 

Surprisingly, the film is in English and contains a pan-European cast, with some well known Scandinavian faces. Claes Bang (pictured below) is practically a pantomime villain as the snarling, fur-clad Kristian II whilst Alba August gives a steely, confident performance as the traumatised Freja Erikkson (who does not utter a word). The tone is set from the opening minutes, wherein we follow speeding arrows through frost-capped forests and watch split screens with jokey introductions to the invading Danish army, such as “AKA Evil Guy; Big Guy with Scar; Big Danish Guy; A German Brother”. 

The language is very casual and contemporary, too. There are no rhyming couplets, here. Instead, we watch Kristian slag off his Swedish opponents and mock them for being “full of themselves and soooo annoying.” But that’s not to say the film is lacking in period details. The creak of leather boots, the tension in a bow and arrow, a rusty blade slicing through meat and horses hooves crunching through snow can all be heard. The costuming and hair is elaborate. 

But chances are, you haven’t come to Stockholm Bloodbath for well-done braids. The action, pleasingly, is well shot. There’s a gorgeous spiralling tracking shot of an arrow that throws Freja off her horse and into a river. The battle scenes are impressive in terms of scale. There’s a particularly interesting eclipse-esque shot of a canon being lit. We hear metal clashing against metal, screamed insults and dying gasps. We get to see minced limbs in all their close-up glory. 

And, for a film, that’s a bit raucous, Håfström does not give his female characters nothing to do. Whilst Kristian and his band of soldiers scoff at the thought of a woman ever having any real power, the female characters are very much in control of their own destiny. Freja is a fighter; a resilient and resourceful young woman. She’s also a pretty inventive killer – even picking off soldiers with icicles. Emily Beecham, as Kristina Gyllenstierna, is stoic following the death of her husband and determined to hold onto the kingdom of Sweden for as long as she can. She sees through Kristian’s sleaze and politics and holds her own in a room full of men. Sophie Cookson, as Ann Eriksson, learns to use a bow and arrow and proves her mettle against sizeable opponents. 

Like all historical moments, there are heroes and villains. We are under no illusions as to who those are, here. Claes Bang looks ridiculous in his royal regalia, seen in puffy white sleeves and an enormous crown or in red tulle, surrounded by stuffed bears. The cadence of his speech resembles a contemporary politician, oozing as it is with faux charm and reassurance.

And yet, he is not the most odious of the piece, by far. Jakob Oftebro, as Archbishop Trolle, is a pathetic little man, dripping with lust for revenge. He is a snake, pouring poison into the ears of whoever will listen, desperate to be seen as a man of power. Mikkel Boe Følsgaard’s Didrik Slagheck is another one drunk on his position. Put in charge of the public beheadings for heresy, he dances in the rain, covered in blood, clearly revelling in his new-found notoriety. Thinking they are all on the right side of history, the three men dispose of those around them without mercy. 

There are a few pacing issues with the film. At two hours run time, it’s probably around twenty minutes too long in terms of getting to the natural conclusion of events. But, it does make you want to research a bloody chapter in history of countries that regularly top global charts for happiness and peacefulness so it definitely does spark something. 

If you’re looking for a historical romp that doesn’t take itself too seriously, Stockholm Bloodbath is the film for you.

Stockholm Bloodbath will be available on Digital On Demand in the UK from January 6th.